-Spiders (ok well that is always #1 on my list at all times. scary little bastards.)
-Heights (but not roller coasters, weird)
-Lima Beans (there is nothing good about them)
-Needles (which blows because I love tattoos, B12 shots and I have to test my blood sugar 2x a day)
-Heidi Montag (post-plastic surgery .... seriously, W.T.F.?)
-The "dong dong" thingy on Law & Order (makes me jump, and I dislike moving unless I have to)
-Tornado's, which includes but is not limited to watches & warnings. Never seen an actual twister .... yet. And now that I've posted this, one is going to suck me up and kill me tomorrow. I have no one to blame but myself.
-Being shocked (yes, static electricity frightens the shit out of me. I hardly wear sweaters because of this nonsense)
-Fire (seriously....that shit is HOT)
-Fat (not fat people. me being fat (again). been there, done that, got the stretch marks & size 16 pants as a souvenir)
-Ghosts (you will never meet another person in your life who is completely fascinated with ghosts but will shit her pants and die if she ever sees one)
-Ex-Boyfriends (nuff said)
-Grates and sewer plates (I'm terrified of them caving in on me if I walk across them. Or a giant fucking mutant turtle or rat popping out offering me pizza. I'd take the pizza, don't get me wrong, but I'd run like hell afterwards)
-The ETrade baby (that's just fucking scary! not cute. not funny.)
-Rachael Ray (with that big Joker lookin smile on her face 24/7 ... bitch is scary)
-Bruce Jenners Face (seriously?? how do you go from this to that?)
Things that gross me out (once again, no particular order)
-Hairy chests (on men or women, its just nasty. I immediately think of Tom Cruises character in Tropic Thunder and OMFG that was just wrong on so many levels)
-Mini skirts (I don't care how hot your body is, it grosses me out that only 1 inch of fabric and you standing upright keeps me from seeing your beef curtains flapping in the wind)
-Oily skin (omg I almost puked typing that ... you know they make oil absorbing sheets for that shit right? there is no valid excuse to walk around like you just dipped your face in a vat of fries at McDonald's.)
-Scott Disick (nuff said ... barf)
-Love Bugs ( if you're from FL you know what I'm talking about. Those fucking little black bugs that fly around attached at the ass while sexin' in mid-flight. They land on you and have sex! ZOMFG bugs are having sex on my arm!) *barf*
-Urinal Cakes (just the name makes me want to vomit)
-Paper Cuts (omg just the thought makes me want to cringe)
-Spaghetti O's (they smell like vomit...whats up with that?)
Things that piss me off ... aka "pet peeves" (you know the drill)
-People who don't use turn signals to a) turn or b) change lanes (its there for a reason douche bag!)
-Pregnant women who smoke (seriously bitch? seriously?!)
-Idiots who get their own reality shows on E! (i can't even comment on this stupidity)
-Chain letters (if I don't forward it to 10 people in 2 minutes I think I'll take my chances at getting raped by a ghost at midnight, thank you)
-Hoochie Mama's (oh that's right, I'm bringing it back! HOOOOOOCHIEEEEEES!)
-Teenage girls (I want to kick you all in the fucking throat. you walk around the mall wearing clothes even a hooker would be embarrassed to be seen in and talk shit about the random people you see. you think the world owes you everything and your main goal in life is for a guy to think your hot. well guess what chica? he only thinks your hot when you go down on him and when your done he's on to the next one. save your knee's and jaw some wear and tear and put on some clothes please!)
-Parents of said teenage girls (you really let your kid go out in public looking like that? and then want to get pissed when the 40yr old greasy man who works in the food court ogles at her with a hard on?)
-Old women who don't wear bras (perhaps this should go under the "things that gross me out" category?)
-Walmart Rednecks (if you went to high school with me, you know what I'm talking about. I can't go any further into this without giggling hysterically and then becoming angry)
-Bullies (if you were over 18 I'd kick your ass you little shits! 7yr olds who think its funny to belittle other kids and make fun of them is not cool in my book. i want to bitch slap your parents)
-People who wear leggings (and I say "people" because I've seen men wear them. Yes I said men. Its just wrong on so many levels and I want to kick you when I see you wearing them. They are not attractive on ANYONE)
-Abercrombie & Fitch (fuuuuuuck this store and everything it represents. i wouldn't wear a free piece of clothing from that place even if I was paid to! evil, disgusting & rude employee's and extremely ugly overpriced clothes on top of it. and it always smells like someone broke 5 bottles of expired cologne when i walk past the entrance in the mall. whats up with that?!)
-Parents who get all pissy when your kid touches their kid stuff but its ok for their kid(s) to have free reign on your kids stuff. (nuff said)
-Competitive moms (OMG who gives a flying fuck if your kid walked 2 days before mine did? your poor kid is still ugly and picks his nose!)
Things that make me laugh (yep)
-Fart & poop jokes (yep, I have the sense of humor of a 8yr old boy)
-LOL Cats (seriously .... http://www.icanhascheezburger.com/)
-Chelsey Handler (I want her to adopt me)
-Step Brothers, Anchorman, Old School & Elf (I heart Will Ferrel)
-My husband when he finds a song he likes (he will repeat the dumbest parts of the song, over and over for weeks. The latest one ... "I got her, grocery bag". KILL.ME.NOW.)
-My friend Taressa (she and I share a warped sense of humor and I know for sure we are sharing a rock in hell together)
-Men in their 40's who act like they are in their 20's (there is a dad at my church, who's either 40 or knocking on the door, he wears a motorcycle jacket, leather boots, tight jeans and a mohawk .... I kid you not, you can't make this shit up. He looks ridonkulous!)
-Dane Cook (the man stole my heart when someone shit on the coats)
No comments:
Post a Comment