No computer! No bueno!

So yeah, all of my computers, decided to take a shit and die this year.

Laptop #1 ... mother board is fried...it died back in February and it wasn't even 2yrs old yet.

Laptop #2 ... I got pissed at my husband and threw it on the ground ... screen shattered. It wasn't pretty. Had it for exactly 1 year. Oopsee!!

Desktop ... just decided to stop working a few weeks ago. Not sure why. It can possibly be saved, just gotta take it to the Geek Squad and justify paying them $100+ an hour.

So we pulled our old old old school desktop out of the closet.
Blew the dust off and hoped for the best.
The sonofabitch actually works! We got it back in 2002 when our son was just 3 weeks old! It works!
It's slow as hell, worse than dial-up (google that if you are under the age of 20), but it works!
I can't play Facebook games on here, but I can browse my boards and Facebook/Twitter/Perez....you know, the important things in life.

It's like some cosmic bitch slap for all the times I was a dick online to other people I guess.

Well played karma, well played.

And the award goes to ........

Ever had a day where you felt like the worlds shittiest mom?

No?

Well then hit the back button because you're a liar.

We ALL have those days.

The kids are whining and you can't deal with it, so you yell at them
Or bribe them with candy to STFU & go to their room.
You let them watch a few more cartoons than normal just for the blissful quiet you get from it.

We're only human, that's how we roll.


Now .... ever had a day where your brain just completely slipped and you forgot you had kids?

No?

Just me?

Damn.



Ok, I'm putting this out there, because now, I can laugh about it (then cry because I'm not totally heartless).


My son .....

When he was just 3 weeks old I was giving him a bath in the sink.
Not "IN" the sink, but he had one of those weird mesh bathtub insert thingies.
So anyway ..... He is clean. Smelling like all kinds of wonderful that I want to bottle up and sniff every second of every day. CLEAN BABY!!! Who can't resist that?! Ahhh heaven.

Wait ... where was I?
Oh yeah, my shitty mom moment.

So I was all in the moment, I had a clean baby. The house was fairly clean. (keep in mind I had ... literally ... over 40 stitches in my cooter. Walking was painful, let alone cleaning and standing to bathe my child).
I lifted him up in joy and *BAM*. I hear a loud thud and then his mouth dropped open. His face turned red. He had this look of horror on his face. He had the "I'm going to cry but I can't force myself to breath to do it" look on his face.

I had hit his head on the cabinet above the sink.
It had scared and hurt him so much he stopped breathing.
I tried everything ... blowing in his face, patting his back, etc...
I finally turned him upside down and that got him going.

So yeah, shitty mom, nearly causes brain damage to newborn son.
I felt awful about it at the time, but now I can sit back and think "damn I was a MORON!"


I have 2 more incidents that involve both of my daughters, as recent as last year.
I'm not over these incidents yet. Let's just say it involves a near drowning and a baby being left in a car for about 20min.
BOTH kids are ok, no damage at all. But to this day it makes me cry and sad.

So what I'm getting at is ... we all have Shitty Mom Days.
It's ok, we're allowed.
When you feel bad about yourself just think about me nearly causing brain damage to my child and you'll feel better.

The Bad Mommy Award goes to ................. Alexis Franklin!!!!

*claps*

I'd like to thank my children and my lack of sleep. Without them, this would not be possible.




~~Aaaaand scene~~

Auntie Em, Aunti Em!

I have issues.

Most people who know me, know this.

Shut up Taressa!

I'm terrified, yet fascinated with tornado's.

Why?

I couldn't tell you, so don't freakin ask.


Tornado watches make my stomach do flip flops.
Tornado warnings (even in other cities nearby) make me want to puke blood.

But at the same time. I want to be that crazy mofo in my car taking pictures of them.
Crazy? Perhaps. Let's not judge.

I'm terrified of a tornado coming in the night.
Which is part of the reason you will never find me sleeping nekkid. Especially now that we live in freakin Oooooooklahoma.
It takes all I have in me not to sleep in shoes & a bra.

I mean seriously. If a twister hits at 3am and you're naked or half naked or wearing some God-awful Spice Girls shirt to bed you're screwed!

I have 3 kids and a dog. They take priority over me putting on decent clothes. I must get them to safety before we go flying to Oz.

If a twister hits, I don't want the only piece of clothing I have to wear for the next week to be a Spice Girls shirt, no bra & faded holy capri's from Family Dollar.


A lesson for you buff sleepers out there. Take this as a warning.
I don't want to see your boobies flapping about as you run around on the news yelling "It was pandalerium!" Put on a bra, wear some pj's and keep some slip on shoes handy and you can thank me. later.

I stoled it

I stole this from a friends Facebook status.

I'm not a political person but there are some things that I don't agree with or feel passionatly about, so since I completely agree with this statement I'm reposting it.


So they just passed a health care plan written by a committee whose chairman says he didn't understand it, passed by a Congress that exempts themselves from it, signed by a president who smokes, with funding administered by a treasury chief who didn't pay his taxes, all to be overseen by a surgeon general who is obese.................and better yet it is to be financed by a country that's broke."

Can I get some support here?

Every now and then my friend Taressa and I get into a convo about saggy ball sacs and moobs (man boobs).

I don't know why, we just do.

It's been going on for a couple years now.

Tonight my mind began to wonder ..... is there such thing as saggy ball support? Like a nut sac bra?

If not, I'm patenting it. Right now. Don't get no ideas and try to steal my nut bra idea.

I just need a name.......

The Clinton Chronicals

My husband, Clinton, is probably the biggest nerd ever.
Which is why I love him. He can make me laugh over the stupidest stuff.

Case in point.

We were watching Whale Wars the other night.
I don't know why we watch this show. It makes me sad, and his goal of watching the show is to watch them fail.
He actually pisses me off sometimes when we watch this show.
Why I keep putting myself through this I'll never know.

I get it. Its funny they think a small ship can save whales from 3 giant Japanese whaling ships. They have succeeded a few times from what I can tell, but mostly, they fail.

The captain, Paul Watson.

He always has the same expression on his face, no matter what happens.

For the most part, he looks like he hates himself and he can't breath.

He's a hefty fellow so it makes sense on both parts.


So the other night we were watching.
I was laying with my feet on Clinton's lap and with my head under my uber cool pink Snuggie watching a whale get harpooned *tear*.
I was silently crying, because I'm not totally heartless.

Just then I think Clinton sensed my girly crying even though it was hidden by the blanket with sleeves.

Captain Paul turns to walk away and Clinton yells "He has to poop".

Me: What?

Clinton: Look at him, look how he's walking. He has to poop!

Me: *laughing* What the hell? Maybe he's just walking away!

Clinton: His butt cheeks are clenched and he's doing the I have to poop walk. He has to poop.

Me: *laughing with tears*

Clinton: Go ahead and Facebook that (a common phrase he says whenever he says something funny)



I can never look at Captain Paul the same again knowing he had to poop when a whale was dying on his watch.

On the sidewalk

Have you ever heard of Sidewalk Prophets?
They are, in 1 word .... amazing!

They are a Christian vocal group.
I recently started listening to that kind of music as we were moving to Oklahoma.
I came across a few songs on the radio that just hit me in the heart and I pretty much listen to only that now.

Sidewalk Prophets are pretty awesome.
Their music is not only inspirational, but catchy and something I would probably listen to if I wasn't a believer.



Anywho .... I adore this song.
It's called "The Words I Would Say". It's their debut single from their album These Simple Truths (follow the linkage to order).

So no funnies today .... simply a great song with a fantastical message.
It's also my new ringtone *giggles*


The Words I Would Say by Sidewalk Prophets (lyrics, followed by video)




Three in the morning,
And I'm still awake,
So I picked up a pen and a page,
And I started writing,
Just what I'd say,
If we were face to face,
I'd tell you just what you mean to me,
I'd tell you these simple truths,

Be strong in the LORD and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
These are the words I would say,

Last time we spoke,
You said you were hurting,
And I felt your pain in my heart,
I want to tell you,
That I keep on praying,
Love will find you where you are,
I know cause I've already been there,
So please hear these simple truths,

Be strong in the LORD and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
These are the words I would say,

From one simple life to another,
I will say,
Come find peace in the Father,

Be strong in the LORD and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
Thank God for each day,
His love will find a way,
These are the words I would say