Welcome to Alexisville

Lady Madonna

2011-02-15T17:58:00.000-05:00

WTF man.

Ok, so I just sat down and turned on my trusty old YouTube to find out what the big stink is over Lady Gaga's "Born This Way" performance was.

First of all.....

That background music is 100% "Express Yourself" by Madonna.

Second of all .....

The hair & the pointy body parts, its also 100% ripoff of 90's Madonna.

I love me some Gaga. I really do. I listen to Christian music 99.9% of the time but I do enjoy me some occasional "sinner" music ;)
But this is completely unoriginal. I don't know if she did it intentionally or not but dayum woman. It's just not enjoyable when I keep wanting to replace "born this way" with "express yourself, hey hey hey hey".

Go sit in the corner and don't come out until you've come up with something that is your own. Kthnxbai.

I hope the writers of Big Love get explosive diarhea

2011-02-14T14:33:00.000-05:00

Seriously. The last 2 seasons have been "blah" at best.
This is the last season in the series.
You are boring me to tears people!
I can barely stay interested.

I hope you shat your pants in the middle of a big fancy dinner.

Big changes are a comin'

2011-01-20T21:57:00.000-05:00

Today ..... I was accepted to Oklahoma State University!!!!

watch out world, here i come!!!

Sometimes, when I'm feeling down because nothing seems to be going right, I like to take a home pregnancy test. Then I can say, 'Hey, at least I'm not pregnant.'

2011-01-18T23:11:00.000-05:00

Dude.

I need a life.

For realz.

I sit here listening to music on YouTube. Watching my husband play BlackOps. Smelling the cabage soup in my crockpot.
Being bored off my rocker.

Tune of the moment ...

For real ... I can't listen to this song any other way. Individually this song sounds wrong. This mashup rocks my socks.

Not too much going on in this part of the world.
I've submitted my surro applications to 2 places. No word back yet.
I've submitted my application to OSU (oklahoma, not ohio ... that, would be a long commute)
I'm getting my CPR/First Aide recert done on Feb 12th.
I'm also enrolled into a CPS course to become a certified car seat installation tech, class starts Feb 17th.
Aim high kids, aim high. Don't do drugs either. Drugs are bad, mmmkay?

All part of my master plan to take over the medical field in Oklahoma City.
Muahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

ha.

First step ...
Car seat installation tech

Second step ...
Enroll at OSU into the RN program

Third step ....
Start my classes through DONA to start the process of becoming a post partum doula

Fourth step .....
Begin classes/coursework/field work through LLI to get my lactation consultant certification

Fifth step ....
Enroll in ultrasound tech school

It's roughly a 5-7 year plan.
I have goals people.
Be afraid.

So yeah. Not much else going on.
Just being Miley.
Oh wait.
What?
Meth is a hell of a drug.
Huh?

Anywho ....

Next song up on my YouTube playlist ......

Feelin all filled with the Holy Spirit tonight. Lovin me some KLove and whatnot.
Till next time .....

2010 ....

2010-12-27T22:16:00.002-05:00

What can I say about 2010??
Well .... it's made me a better person.
If I looked back at who I was in 2008 or early 2009, I would not like what I see.
2010 was my year of discovery and decsion making.

I found God & Jesus and am working on my relationship with them.
I had surgery on my back to remove a cyst.
I was the team mom for my son's football team (never again!)
I gained weight.
I lost weight.
I got lasik.
I turned 30.
I got put on crazy meds (ok, they are technically for my anxiety and exhaustion, but they are best associated with depression and other junk)
We lost 3 computers this year.
I made a huge decision.
I decided I what I want to be when I grow up.
I met a great friend.
I learned that Oklahoma isn't that bad (it still sucks though)
I went to Ohio.
I started getting paid for my photography & upgraded to a new camera/flash/backdrop.

What do I want to be when I grow up you ask?
Well, after much thought and consideration .... I am hoping to enroll in school this year to be a LPN and then become certified as a Post Partum Doula. Hoping that in 2012 I can start the process of also becoming a Lactation Consultant.
Ultrasound Tech? Hopefully that will come into play within the next 5-7 years. But for now, this seems to be the plan that makes me happy and excited.

The huge decision?
I am going to be a gestational surrogate.
I know, crazy!
BUT! I'm super excited. Hubby is on board with it.
I'm in the process of picking an agency right now. I have it narrowed down to 2.

So yeah ... 2010 in a nutshell.
Hoping 2011 will be AMAZING! I can't wait to see what God has in store for my family!

Greetings from the land of the lost

2010-12-20T11:16:00.002-05:00

Where have I been????
Oh yeah, on my butt playing Facebook games & racking up credit card debt.
Sticking to my strengths.

Not too terribly much is going on since my last post.
Devon is now 8.
Chloe is now 2.
I turned 30 (shoot me now)
Clinton turned 33 (hahahahahahaaaa)
(ha)
Aliya turned 4.
We got 2 new dogs. (which brings us to 3 dogs & 3 kids)
FML.
No seriously, FML.

Now we sit at home on Christmas vacation. No school for the kiddos till Jan 4th.
No work for me till Jan 9th.

Spending Christmas here at home (again).
No snow this year.
Forcast calls for 40ish degree weather (and today ... Dec 20th, its going to be 70 .... WTF mother nature? Get back on your meds and get your shiz straight!)

Chloe monster has Cellulitus on her buttox.
Gonna make for a great story to tell her boyfriend on their first date. I even have pictures!

So um yeah. Not much else going on.

I did however get some nifty free samples in the mail over the past couple months.
Shout Color Catchers = Awesome
Bodicology lotion = Fabulous
McCormicks seasoning = Delish!
Stride gum = Chewtastic
Tena pads = Absorbant for muh lady days

So uh, yeah. Big ups to Mojo Savings, Deel Seaking Mom & Deal Wise Mommy (all can be found on Facebook or a Yahoo/Google search) for all the linkages for free stuff.
WOOT, free stuff!!!!

bIrThDaYs

2010-08-11T11:20:00.003-04:00

I've made it through 2 out of the 3 this year.
Which means 2 of my kids made it another year without me killing them or selling them on EBay!

D turned 8 on July 31st.
It was a bittersweet sad day.
A day that made me realize how much being a mommy can suck sometimes.
To sum it up ... nobody came to his party. :(
I cried for like 2 hours. I took it way harder than he did. I still get teary when I think about it. It sucks!
D took it like a champ. He got to go to Build-A-Bear and all was forgotten.

C turned 2 yesterday (8.10).
My sweet little monster is no longer a baby.
She is 2 :(
Where did the time go?!
My last baby. The last 2nd birthday we'll ever celebrate. My sweet sweet tiny little girl whom we were told would possibly be a dwarf while I was pregnant with her. (she's normal by the way, just super tiny for her age)

Clinton is happy. He says "think about all we'll get to do as they grow up! we can go places and not have to bring strollers or diaper bags and we can all have fun instead of you sitting with the girls while D and I go on rides or whatnot".

I see his point.
I still don't like it.
I miss my babies.
He's a douche.

A turns 4 in November (9th).
I'm not ok with this.
This was my baby whom it took nearly 3yrs to get pregnant with.
She is supposed to stay little and cute forever.

Although she was a pretty ugly baby.

Like really ugly.
The kind of ugly only a mother could love.
And she was uber fat too...which was cute. I love fat babies. But she bordered on obese.

But now she is gorgeous and proportionate, so it all works out!

My loves at the zoo (where they belong) 8.9.10

Paranoid much?

2010-06-06T20:56:00.001-04:00

Yeah thats me.
P-a-r-a-n-o-i-d FREAK!

I worry about the dumbest stuff....truely.

Is someone just waiting outside to break into my house?
Are my tires going to go flat while I'm driving?
Is a tornado going to come in the middle of the night?
Am I going to lose my keys and not be able to replace my Hello Kitty key topper?
My son is going to fall out of the tree in the front yard and break a bone and I'll puke when I see it.
How many people on my Facebook friends list have me on ignore?

Ugh, worry worry worry.
I need to stop.
It's not good for the baby.

Oh wait.

I have EUS ... (empty uterus syndrom aka not pregnant)

Well then, it's not good for the already forming lines on my face.... blah.

Whatever.

Worrying is for losers.
I am the king of losers.
Bow down bitches.

Can Anybody Hear Me?

2010-06-06T20:48:00.005-04:00

LOVE this song right now!

Enjoy!

"Can Anybody Hear Me?" by Meredith Andrews

The Clinton Chronicals pt 2

2010-06-01T13:04:00.006-04:00

So yesterday was Memorial Day.

Thank you veterans! (including my husband Clinton, even though all he did was visit awesome ports and drink beer and play xbox...Go Navy!)

We BBQ'd some brats and steak.
(that's bratwurst, not my bratty kids)

I went to the Wally World to get some last min stuff to eat with dinner.
Peppers, mushrooms, a giant jalapeno for Clinton and some Amish potato salad.

Have you ever had it?
It's devine!
Those Amish sure know their way around a kitchen!

So as we set down to eat, Clinton starts talking (and those who know him, knows nothing really good comes from that).

Clinton: Is that Amish potato salad?

Me: Yes

Clinton: Did you get some Amish egg salad?

Me: *gives him the "you're stupid" look* No.
I don't even think they make that, I've never heard of it.

Clinton: They probably do.

Me: Probably, but I've never seen it.

Clinton: You should email them.

Me: Who? The Amish?

Clinton: Yeah.

Me: *face palm*

Fabulous times are a comin my friends

2010-06-01T12:50:00.003-04:00

Terrible two's!

Yay.

Awesome.

NOT!

So now is the time C has decided to be a royal pain in my ass and start warming up for the terrible two's.
She is 21 months old and its been going on for about a month. I just now pulled myself out of the realm of denial and admited the inevitable.

D started the TT at 11 months old.
I kid you not.
He was a holy terror until he hit 18mths.
After that .... he was heavenly. Very good 2yr old, even better 3yr old and then a hormonal 15yr old trapped in a 4yr olds body. And has been that way ever since.

Yipee.

A was fabulous.
She was a good baby, great 1yr old and fabulous 2yr old.
3 has been kinda iffy, her mood swings rival that of a woman going through menopause.
I'm crossing my fingers that 4 is a good year.

C ..... oh my sweet little C.
You are the sweetests, most quiet baby. You eat nearly anything I put in front of you.
You like to cuddle (HUGE plus with momma!)
You are tiny and beautiful and melt my heart when you say "momma"

But this little demon child you're morphing into .... NOT diggin it.
Cut it out.
Just stop now.
Screaming at me. Trying to smack me. Telling me "no" 500 times a day. Telling me that everything is "mine" . Kicking and crying at diaper change time.
GOOD TIMES!

If this keeps up, I will be selling you on Ebay or Craigslist.
Whichever one has the most lienient human trafficking laws.

In the meantime, I need to start Googling how to get ahold of some holy water.
You will find me huddled in a corner shaking an empty bottle one day yelling "the power of Christ compels you" while Chloe is standing over me trying to smack me yelling "mine" and trying to snatch the bottle.

No computer! No bueno!

2010-05-24T22:05:00.002-04:00

So yeah, all of my computers, decided to take a shit and die this year.

Laptop #1 ... mother board is fried...it died back in February and it wasn't even 2yrs old yet.

Laptop #2 ... I got pissed at my husband and threw it on the ground ... screen shattered. It wasn't pretty. Had it for exactly 1 year. Oopsee!!

Desktop ... just decided to stop working a few weeks ago. Not sure why. It can possibly be saved, just gotta take it to the Geek Squad and justify paying them $100+ an hour.

So we pulled our old old old school desktop out of the closet.
Blew the dust off and hoped for the best.
The sonofabitch actually works! We got it back in 2002 when our son was just 3 weeks old! It works!
It's slow as hell, worse than dial-up (google that if you are under the age of 20), but it works!
I can't play Facebook games on here, but I can browse my boards and Facebook/Twitter/Perez....you know, the important things in life.

It's like some cosmic bitch slap for all the times I was a dick online to other people I guess.

Well played karma, well played.

And the award goes to ........

2010-04-16T10:18:00.003-04:00

Ever had a day where you felt like the worlds shittiest mom?

No?

Well then hit the back button because you're a liar.

We ALL have those days.

The kids are whining and you can't deal with it, so you yell at them
Or bribe them with candy to STFU & go to their room.
You let them watch a few more cartoons than normal just for the blissful quiet you get from it.

We're only human, that's how we roll.

Now .... ever had a day where your brain just completely slipped and you forgot you had kids?

No?

Just me?

Damn.

Ok, I'm putting this out there, because now, I can laugh about it (then cry because I'm not totally heartless).

My son .....

When he was just 3 weeks old I was giving him a bath in the sink.
Not "IN" the sink, but he had one of those weird mesh bathtub insert thingies.
So anyway ..... He is clean. Smelling like all kinds of wonderful that I want to bottle up and sniff every second of every day. CLEAN BABY!!! Who can't resist that?! Ahhh heaven.

Wait ... where was I?
Oh yeah, my shitty mom moment.

So I was all in the moment, I had a clean baby. The house was fairly clean. (keep in mind I had ... literally ... over 40 stitches in my cooter. Walking was painful, let alone cleaning and standing to bathe my child).
I lifted him up in joy and *BAM*. I hear a loud thud and then his mouth dropped open. His face turned red. He had this look of horror on his face. He had the "I'm going to cry but I can't force myself to breath to do it" look on his face.

I had hit his head on the cabinet above the sink.
It had scared and hurt him so much he stopped breathing.
I tried everything ... blowing in his face, patting his back, etc...
I finally turned him upside down and that got him going.

So yeah, shitty mom, nearly causes brain damage to newborn son.
I felt awful about it at the time, but now I can sit back and think "damn I was a MORON!"

I have 2 more incidents that involve both of my daughters, as recent as last year.
I'm not over these incidents yet. Let's just say it involves a near drowning and a baby being left in a car for about 20min.
BOTH kids are ok, no damage at all. But to this day it makes me cry and sad.

So what I'm getting at is ... we all have Shitty Mom Days.
It's ok, we're allowed.
When you feel bad about yourself just think about me nearly causing brain damage to my child and you'll feel better.

The Bad Mommy Award goes to ................. Alexis Franklin!!!!

*claps*

I'd like to thank my children and my lack of sleep. Without them, this would not be possible.

~~Aaaaand scene~~

Auntie Em, Aunti Em!

2010-04-06T14:03:00.004-04:00

I have issues.

Most people who know me, know this.

Shut up Taressa!

I'm terrified, yet fascinated with tornado's.

Why?

I couldn't tell you, so don't freakin ask.

Tornado watches make my stomach do flip flops.
Tornado warnings (even in other cities nearby) make me want to puke blood.

But at the same time. I want to be that crazy mofo in my car taking pictures of them.
Crazy? Perhaps. Let's not judge.

I'm terrified of a tornado coming in the night.
Which is part of the reason you will never find me sleeping nekkid. Especially now that we live in freakin Oooooooklahoma.
It takes all I have in me not to sleep in shoes & a bra.

I mean seriously. If a twister hits at 3am and you're naked or half naked or wearing some God-awful Spice Girls shirt to bed you're screwed!

I have 3 kids and a dog. They take priority over me putting on decent clothes. I must get them to safety before we go flying to Oz.

If a twister hits, I don't want the only piece of clothing I have to wear for the next week to be a Spice Girls shirt, no bra & faded holy capri's from Family Dollar.

A lesson for you buff sleepers out there. Take this as a warning.
I don't want to see your boobies flapping about as you run around on the news yelling "It was pandalerium!" Put on a bra, wear some pj's and keep some slip on shoes handy and you can thank me. later.

I stoled it

2010-03-26T14:01:00.001-04:00

I stole this from a friends Facebook status.

I'm not a political person but there are some things that I don't agree with or feel passionatly about, so since I completely agree with this statement I'm reposting it.

So they just passed a health care plan written by a committee whose chairman says he didn't understand it, passed by a Congress that exempts themselves from it, signed by a president who smokes, with funding administered by a treasury chief who didn't pay his taxes, all to be overseen by a surgeon general who is obese.................and better yet it is to be financed by a country that's broke."

Can I get some support here?

2010-03-23T21:52:00.002-04:00

Every now and then my friend Taressa and I get into a convo about saggy ball sacs and moobs (man boobs).

I don't know why, we just do.

It's been going on for a couple years now.

Tonight my mind began to wonder ..... is there such thing as saggy ball support? Like a nut sac bra?

If not, I'm patenting it. Right now. Don't get no ideas and try to steal my nut bra idea.

I just need a name.......

The Clinton Chronicals

2010-03-08T13:34:00.003-05:00

My husband, Clinton, is probably the biggest nerd ever.
Which is why I love him. He can make me laugh over the stupidest stuff.

Case in point.

We were watching Whale Wars the other night.
I don't know why we watch this show. It makes me sad, and his goal of watching the show is to watch them fail.
He actually pisses me off sometimes when we watch this show.
Why I keep putting myself through this I'll never know.

I get it. Its funny they think a small ship can save whales from 3 giant Japanese whaling ships. They have succeeded a few times from what I can tell, but mostly, they fail.

The captain, Paul Watson.

He always has the same expression on his face, no matter what happens.

For the most part, he looks like he hates himself and he can't breath.

He's a hefty fellow so it makes sense on both parts.

So the other night we were watching.
I was laying with my feet on Clinton's lap and with my head under my uber cool pink Snuggie watching a whale get harpooned *tear*.
I was silently crying, because I'm not totally heartless.

Just then I think Clinton sensed my girly crying even though it was hidden by the blanket with sleeves.

Captain Paul turns to walk away and Clinton yells "He has to poop".

Me: What?

Clinton: Look at him, look how he's walking. He has to poop!

Me: *laughing* What the hell? Maybe he's just walking away!

Clinton: His butt cheeks are clenched and he's doing the I have to poop walk. He has to poop.

Me: *laughing with tears*

Clinton: Go ahead and Facebook that (a common phrase he says whenever he says something funny)

I can never look at Captain Paul the same again knowing he had to poop when a whale was dying on his watch.

On the sidewalk

2010-03-04T12:44:00.005-05:00

Have you ever heard of Sidewalk Prophets?
They are, in 1 word .... amazing!

They are a Christian vocal group.
I recently started listening to that kind of music as we were moving to Oklahoma.
I came across a few songs on the radio that just hit me in the heart and I pretty much listen to only that now.

Sidewalk Prophets are pretty awesome.
Their music is not only inspirational, but catchy and something I would probably listen to if I wasn't a believer.

Anywho .... I adore this song.
It's called "The Words I Would Say". It's their debut single from their album These Simple Truths (follow the linkage to order).

So no funnies today .... simply a great song with a fantastical message.
It's also my new ringtone *giggles*

The Words I Would Say by Sidewalk Prophets (lyrics, followed by video)

Three in the morning,
And I'm still awake,
So I picked up a pen and a page,
And I started writing,
Just what I'd say,
If we were face to face,
I'd tell you just what you mean to me,
I'd tell you these simple truths,

Be strong in the LORD and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
These are the words I would say,

Last time we spoke,
You said you were hurting,
And I felt your pain in my heart,
I want to tell you,
That I keep on praying,
Love will find you where you are,
I know cause I've already been there,
So please hear these simple truths,

Be strong in the LORD and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
These are the words I would say,

From one simple life to another,
I will say,
Come find peace in the Father,

Be strong in the LORD and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
Thank God for each day,
His love will find a way,
These are the words I would say

She said what?! That whore!

2010-02-22T16:55:00.009-05:00

Things that scare me (not in any particular order either):

-Spiders (ok well that is always #1 on my list at all times. scary little bastards.)

-Heights (but not roller coasters, weird)

-Lima Beans (there is nothing good about them)

-Needles (which blows because I love tattoos, B12 shots and I have to test my blood sugar 2x a day)

-Heidi Montag (post-plastic surgery .... seriously, W.T.F.?)

-The "dong dong" thingy on Law & Order (makes me jump, and I dislike moving unless I have to)

-Tornado's, which includes but is not limited to watches & warnings. Never seen an actual twister .... yet. And now that I've posted this, one is going to suck me up and kill me tomorrow. I have no one to blame but myself.

-Being shocked (yes, static electricity frightens the shit out of me. I hardly wear sweaters because of this nonsense)

-Fire (seriously....that shit is HOT)

-Fat (not fat people. me being fat (again). been there, done that, got the stretch marks & size 16 pants as a souvenir)

-Ghosts (you will never meet another person in your life who is completely fascinated with ghosts but will shit her pants and die if she ever sees one)

-Ex-Boyfriends (nuff said)

-Grates and sewer plates (I'm terrified of them caving in on me if I walk across them. Or a giant fucking mutant turtle or rat popping out offering me pizza. I'd take the pizza, don't get me wrong, but I'd run like hell afterwards)

-The ETrade baby (that's just fucking scary! not cute. not funny.)

-Rachael Ray (with that big Joker lookin smile on her face 24/7 ... bitch is scary)

-Bruce Jenners Face (seriously?? how do you go from this to that?)

Things that gross me out (once again, no particular order)

-Hairy chests (on men or women, its just nasty. I immediately think of Tom Cruises character in Tropic Thunder and OMFG that was just wrong on so many levels)

-Mini skirts (I don't care how hot your body is, it grosses me out that only 1 inch of fabric and you standing upright keeps me from seeing your beef curtains flapping in the wind)

-Oily skin (omg I almost puked typing that ... you know they make oil absorbing sheets for that shit right? there is no valid excuse to walk around like you just dipped your face in a vat of fries at McDonald's.)

-Scott Disick (nuff said ... barf)

-Love Bugs ( if you're from FL you know what I'm talking about. Those fucking little black bugs that fly around attached at the ass while sexin' in mid-flight. They land on you and have sex! ZOMFG bugs are having sex on my arm!) *barf*

-Urinal Cakes (just the name makes me want to vomit)

-Paper Cuts (omg just the thought makes me want to cringe)

-Spaghetti O's (they smell like vomit...whats up with that?)

Things that piss me off ... aka "pet peeves" (you know the drill)

-People who don't use turn signals to a) turn or b) change lanes (its there for a reason douche bag!)

-Pregnant women who smoke (seriously bitch? seriously?!)

-Idiots who get their own reality shows on E! (i can't even comment on this stupidity)

-Chain letters (if I don't forward it to 10 people in 2 minutes I think I'll take my chances at getting raped by a ghost at midnight, thank you)

-Hoochie Mama's (oh that's right, I'm bringing it back! HOOOOOOCHIEEEEEES!)

-Teenage girls (I want to kick you all in the fucking throat. you walk around the mall wearing clothes even a hooker would be embarrassed to be seen in and talk shit about the random people you see. you think the world owes you everything and your main goal in life is for a guy to think your hot. well guess what chica? he only thinks your hot when you go down on him and when your done he's on to the next one. save your knee's and jaw some wear and tear and put on some clothes please!)

-Parents of said teenage girls (you really let your kid go out in public looking like that? and then want to get pissed when the 40yr old greasy man who works in the food court ogles at her with a hard on?)

-Old women who don't wear bras (perhaps this should go under the "things that gross me out" category?)

-Walmart Rednecks (if you went to high school with me, you know what I'm talking about. I can't go any further into this without giggling hysterically and then becoming angry)

-Bullies (if you were over 18 I'd kick your ass you little shits! 7yr olds who think its funny to belittle other kids and make fun of them is not cool in my book. i want to bitch slap your parents)

-People who wear leggings (and I say "people" because I've seen men wear them. Yes I said men. Its just wrong on so many levels and I want to kick you when I see you wearing them. They are not attractive on ANYONE)

-Abercrombie & Fitch (fuuuuuuck this store and everything it represents. i wouldn't wear a free piece of clothing from that place even if I was paid to! evil, disgusting & rude employee's and extremely ugly overpriced clothes on top of it. and it always smells like someone broke 5 bottles of expired cologne when i walk past the entrance in the mall. whats up with that?!)

-Parents who get all pissy when your kid touches their kid stuff but its ok for their kid(s) to have free reign on your kids stuff. (nuff said)

-Competitive moms (OMG who gives a flying fuck if your kid walked 2 days before mine did? your poor kid is still ugly and picks his nose!)

Things that make me laugh (yep)

-Fart & poop jokes (yep, I have the sense of humor of a 8yr old boy)

-LOL Cats (seriously .... http://www.icanhascheezburger.com/)

-Chelsey Handler (I want her to adopt me)

-Step Brothers, Anchorman, Old School & Elf (I heart Will Ferrel)

-My husband when he finds a song he likes (he will repeat the dumbest parts of the song, over and over for weeks. The latest one ... "I got her, grocery bag". KILL.ME.NOW.)

-My friend Taressa (she and I share a warped sense of humor and I know for sure we are sharing a rock in hell together)

-Men in their 40's who act like they are in their 20's (there is a dad at my church, who's either 40 or knocking on the door, he wears a motorcycle jacket, leather boots, tight jeans and a mohawk .... I kid you not, you can't make this shit up. He looks ridonkulous!)

-Dane Cook (the man stole my heart when someone shit on the coats)

Lurve

2010-02-14T11:27:00.003-05:00

It's Valentines Day. *barf*

Or as I like to call it Commercialism Day.

I got the kids each 1 little box of chocolates from Walmart for $1. They LOVE it.
Good for them.

I don't celebrate it.
I think its a dumb day.
I think its a very forced holiday.

I don't feel the need to spend oodles of money on my husband because Hallmark told me to.

I show my love daily and hey, that's what anniversaries are for!

So yeah .... screw Valentines Day and all the puppets that cave into the marketing scam.

On a side note ......

I was on Facebook (what else is new?)
On the right I saw an ad for that show 19 Kids And Counting.
That show on TLC about that chick with the clown car vagina .... the Duggars.

I clicked the little "x" by the ad to remove it.
When FB asked me why I wanted it gone I clicked "it's offensive".

Happy Commercialism Day peeps!

Quit playin' games with my heart

2010-02-09T21:40:00.009-05:00

I have an unnatural love for boy bands.
NSync, BSB, NKOTB, 98 Degree's, Boyz II Men, Boy Zone, O-Town, etc...

If you can sing, dance and bite your bottom lip in a suggestive manner and swivel your hips while staring at a big hairy child molester looking guy behind the camera .... I'M YOURS!

I can do the 5 basic boy band dance moves in my sleep.
I know all the words to every song that makes your panties drop.
I am, that loser.

Be still my heart.
I grew up on NKOTB (thats New Kids On The Block for those of you who were born in the 90's and have no clue what good music is). I had the honor of seeing them in concert March 2009.
Best. Night. Ever. It was truely a "magic night"
(if you caught the reference, buy yourself a cookie!)

Joey fucking McIntyre *swoon*
I lived for him.
I used to pretend he was watching me sleep at night. I always made sure my hair was pretty, I had on cute pj's and I made sure I didnt sleep with my mouth open and drool falling out.
Ok, I'll stop there before I embarass myself any more than I already have.
*blush*

I had the dolls. The street clothes and concert clothed dolls (yes 2 sets)
The stage for their concerts.
Sheets, socks, shoe strings, buttons, shirts, etc...
I think my mom paid for at least one of their kids to go to college honestly.

NSync .... Ooooooh I could listen to them for hours!
It took me forever to get over the whole BSB vs NSync thing.
At first I was totally an NSync hater. I was drinkin that haterade and would flip the chanel when they came on.
Freakin posers! How dare they try to copy BSB and steal their thunder! UGH!

AS IF! Eventually I grew up and got over it. I can love all boy bands equally.

Joey Fatone .... I love you. Call me.

BSB (Backstreet Boys .... and I mean 1999-2003 BSB when all 5 were in the band and fucking awesome, none of this 1 is missing and they suck ass bullshit)
I owned every CD. I think I still do. I know all their songs.
I used to sit by the tv and watch TRL waiting for their new videos. I totally jam out to their greatest hits cd on every road trip. ('I Want It That Way' is the SHIT!)

Nick Carter *swoon*

LOVED him.
Until that is ..... Bobbi Jean Carter entered my life.
YES, the sister of Nick Carter.

Some of you may have seen her on that crappy 1 season reality show he and his siblings had on E a few years ago. House of Carters ... google that shit if you don't know what I'm talking about.

This bitch. This Bobbi Jean.

Just UGHHHH, with a side of ughhhhhhhhhhh.

I went to high school with her for 1/2 of a school year.
She moved to our area, I believe it was the middle of my sophomore or junior year (I honestly can't remember).
She was soooo fucking snobby and rude to everyone who didn't kiss her ass.
I wont go into too much detail about my encounters with her but I will say ..... she totally ruined my future plans of being Mrs Nick Carter. There was no way in hell I could be her sister-in-law!

Dreams crushed, once again.

Thanks a lot skankzilla!

Oh the hilarity

2010-02-04T09:29:00.006-05:00

I live in a nice neighborhood.
How we moved in here, I'll never know.
Expensive homes, snotty people who make way more than we do, and teenagers driving Lexus SUV's (no joke, our babysitter has her very own).

We got a really good deal on a house here, apparently, otherwise we would not be here.
I don't feel we fit in at all even though we drive pretty nice new cars and have a well taken care of home .... we are not among the rich folks here. I do my shoppin at Walmart while they hit Macy's. Got it? Ok, point made.

We had snow this past weekend! Yay! (coming from living in FL for 14yrs, I'm loving this!)

Ok, so in true winter tradition, people in my neighborhood starting building snowmen.
I have no clue who these people are but someone in our hood built one in their front yard with their daughter.
This person then decided to adorn said snowman with a hat that they bought from Russia. A hat, apparently, that they loved and had sentimental value.
This person then left said hat on the snowman overnight.

**now to understand why this is hilarious I MUST put this in here.
Recently we've had a rash of "vandalism" (this is how it has been worded in the countless emails going around in our HOA). Cars being parked on the street and left unlocked are getting broken into (whoda thunk it?!), someone found footprints under their daughters window where she heard knocking, etc... You get the point. A nice uppity neighborhood having anything like this happen is a travesty and we are turning in to the ghetto! Oh no! **

This person then woke up and found their snowman was "vandalized". Arms ripped off, face punched in and *GASP* the hat was missing!
Emails went out.
The person said they had surveillance on their home, they have not reviewed the tape. But if the hat was returned to their mailbox by Friday they'd let it go. If not, police would be involved and the tape would be reviewed. *rolles eyes*
Oh and they also said their daughter would be devastated so they "rebuilt the snowman before she got home from school, so she would not be upset".

For realz?

Anyway.

This morning another email went out from someone in our neighborhood.
EVERYONE is freaking the hell out.
Who is this person?
There is nobody in our neighborhood named "Bo" and the email is not registered with the HOA.

OH THE HORROR!!!!

This person, this, Bo. He is my new best friend.

His email says:

Thanks for the warning about the snowman incident. I certainly will have a talk with my kids about what appear to be the multiple issues in this case:
1. I will make sure they understand to never touch any one else or his/her property.
2. I will make sure they understand how foolish it is to put anything of sentimental and/or fiscal value on a snowman, especially one built in the front yard.
3. I will let them know that if a snowman is in the backyard it is much less likely to be vandalized... especially in a neighborhood in which acts of petty theft are a regular occurrence (e.g., regularly emailed reports of unlocked cars being burglarized).
4. I will let them know as we are building a snowman that it is an extremely temporary thing and that they should not become attached to it for if it is not demolished by us or someone else, it will soon melt anyway.

I may have missed something, but those are the most obvious issues that jumped out at first glance.

Thanks,Bo

I of course, replied to Bo telling him how much appreciated that laugh and how much I agree.
Call me an asshole. But I think its pretty damn funny. And true.

**I do NOT condone violence against snowmen! Or theft.
I just think people need more common sense.

Adventures at the Dollar Tree

2010-01-27T21:04:00.003-05:00

Let me tell you.

You haven't lived until you've gone to the Dollar Tree with 2 very cranky toddlers.

F-U-N!

I walked in and could NOT get a cart out of the stall thingie.
Some lady actually got annoyed with me and gave me her cart.
Funny thing is. She was leaving. Why be annoyed with me because their peice of shit carts don't operate normally?

Anywho.
In the 2 minutes it took me to get a cart (hey! I was 1 handed holding the Chloe monster) Aliya became fixated on the cheap ass toys in the machines (you know, the ones that cost nearly as much as a "real" toy in the dollar store only they come in plastic bubble that you damn near chip your teeth on trying to open? yeah, those).

3 minutes of me saying "come on Aliya" before I lost it and drop kicked her in the forehead.

KIDDING!

Wandering up and down the isles with "mama can I have bawoon?" repeating in the background.
I end up in the "arts & crafts" section and see that they have the wall decals I've been wanting for Aliya's room.

score!

There are about 500 decals on 1 thin rack.

The ones I wanted ...... were in the middle.

But of course! Bastards.

So as I'm having to remove the first 200 I hear a loud *pop* and the sound of 500 decal sheets falling to the ground.

Yep, I broke the rack.

Nobody was looking, it was all good!

I hid them and went on my merry way.

Get to the register, turn my back to get my stuff out ..... "bawoooooooon" & "waaaaaaaaah, mama"

The little midget monster (A) some how grabbed a balloon string, walked near Chloe, and they were in a tug of war to end all tug of wars.

Aliya damn near got her hand sliced open from pulling on Chloe's death grip.
Chick was in it to win it, let me tell ya!

Cashier gave me a dirty look.
That was my signal.

"I'll take this balloon as well" I say.
Balloon says "Happy Birthday". There are no birthdays in this household until July.
*scratches head*

$27 later we were outta there!

Not quite sure I want to take that adventure again. I'll just leave them in the car next time.
I might, crack the windows for them.

Contemplating myself

2010-01-26T10:41:00.005-05:00

I am 29 years old
I am a mother of 3

I am a Wife

I am the aunt to 9 nephews and 2 neices

I am an only child

I am a Christian with a warped sense of humor and liberal thoughts. Some would NOT call me a Christian.

I don't like politics, nor do I understand them

I love flavored coffee

I live for shopping

I probably need therapy

I am a wannabe photographer

I am completely and utterly lazy

I am questioning what I want to be when I grow up

I have pretty eyes

I hate my hair

I'm disgusted with the body my pregnancies have left me with

I have suffered infertilty and more miscarriages than anyone should have to bear

I'm a sarcastic bitch (sometimes)

I have lived in our current home (new state) for 6 months and have no friends

I'm lonely

I have conversations with myself a lot

I love Starbucks

I love to laugh

I spend too much time online

I'm learning to love myself, its a work in progress

I love tv

I've recently come to love Christian music

I miss being a military wife to the point I cry sometimes

My head says I'm not done having children but my husbands vasectomy says I am

I can hold a grudge longer and better than you can

I want to be an egg donor or surrogate

I judge people

I have not spoken to my best friend in nearly 2 years

I flip people off in the car and sometimes cuss at them
I have a potty mouth

I sing very loudly in the car, but only in front of my children

I adore chocolate and everything it stands for

I love Boones Farm

One of my best friends lives in the computer (T)

Shopping makes me happy, even if it isnt for me

I am the wife of a Navy Veteran

I am the daughter of an Air Force Veteran who faught in a war

I'm addicted to Diet Pepsi & Diet Dr Pepper

I embarass easily

I like white gold

I can't deal with background noise, it nearly drives me insane

I have anxiety

I worry about everything, even stuff that could not possibly happen....all the time

I love sushi & pizza I hate exercising (hence the laziness)

I like road trips

My feelings get hurt easily

I cannot speak in public
I love roller coasters but am terrified of heights & flying

I hate being in crowded places, I get self concious and feel like everyone is staring at me.

I'm beginning to look my age :(

I miss Florida

I miss having family around

My favorite color is baby blue

I hate the dentist

I'm a mess

I'm crazy

I'm loveable

I have regrets

I am proud of my husband

I'm paranoid

I'm funny

I'm obsessive

I'm perfect in God's eyes I

've learned to love unconditionally

I am ..... Me

Hmmmm. Yep.

2010-01-25T13:28:00.004-05:00

I think I just heard a gun shot.

I could be wrong.

My hearing is kind of foggy due to my head cold from hell.
I should probably take something. But I'm a gluten for punishment and chose to not take meds unless I absolutly need to.

I'm hard core ya'll!

Not much going on here in terms of my oh-so-thrilling life.
Working out, gaining weight, cleaning, changing diapers.
SUPER FUN! Be jealous bitches!

Bad news this past week.
My uncle Bill was put in the hospital. He has lung cancer. They are not sure what stage it is,but he will have a biopsy today to determine that, along with what kind of lung cancer.
Friday & Saturday he went into surgery (yes 2 surgeries) to disolve blood clots that went from his neck to his elbow. The doctors were rockstars and got them all and put stints in.
Uncle Bill is a major Colts fan so I think its pretty stellar that they won yesterday and are going to the SB!

Other bad news.
A friend from high school, Daniel Angus, serving in the US Marines was killed in Afganistan this past week. I'm so sad over this. He was a good friend, always made me laugh. If it wasnt for him, I probably would have done better in biology. But he made it fun. He made me laugh and the classes bearable. I have not seen him since before graduation in 1999. My heart goes out to his family and I thank him and the 5 others who died with him for their service to this country.

On to happier news.
I like playing fetch with my 17 month old daughter. Is that wrong?
She enjoys it. She gets exercise. It entertains me. And I don't have to leave the couch.
Win/Win I say!

B to the O to the R I N G

2010-01-12T16:42:00.003-05:00

My life is so boring. But the first 12 days of 2010 have been good to us.
We are healthy, school has started back up. My sanity is in tact.
All is well.

Devon has his 2nd wrestling tournament this weekend.
Chloe weighs in at 18.6lbs and is 17mths old now!
Aliya is speaking a little more clearly.
<3

2010

2010-01-04T14:52:00.004-05:00

This year WILL be better!
The first half of 2009 was aweful. Clinton got out of the Navy, we were kicked out of housing. We had nowhere to live so a friend took us in, then she kicked us out and I ended the friendship.
We went to Ohio for a couple months and then Clinton got a job that took us here to Oklahoma. And thats when things got better.
We bought a house, I got a new van. Devon found a great school and is involved in school activities. I got baptized. I became active in volunteering & working at my church. Aliya started gymnastics.
To put it bluntly, we were blessed the last 6mths of 2009!

I have full faith that this year will be equally blessed.
We have began tithing at our church and I feel honored to do so.
We have consolodated our debt and made a plan to save money and be more responsible with moeny.
I will continue volunteering and workign with the church. I will continue being a wrestling & gymnastics mom/taxi.
I get to watch my children grow this year. Devon will turn 8yrs old and start 3rd grade this summer.
Aliya will be 4yrs old in the fall and hopefully start preschool.
Chloe will be 2yrs old this summer.
I will turn 30 this year and start a new decade in my life.
Clinton will turn 33 and I will continue to make fun of him for being older than me :)~
My only hope for this year is Clinton finds some fun in his life. He works very hard and I want him to have fun and relax more.
I also want us to make friends. We have nobody in this state. No friends. No family.
My goal is to maybe join a life group at church or a mommy/play group to find some.
We spent almost 4yrs in Mayport before we found good friends and I refuse to go that long being lonely.

My 2010 Resolutions:
Read the Bible
Become more organized at home
Be a better mother/teacher to my children
Become more financially responsible and save more money
Plan a date night for Clinton and I once a month (even if its at home)
Lose my last 20lbs and then maintain it!
Become a famous blogger. (reach for the sky baby!0

Here's to a GREAT 2010!!!